" I am choosing to stay in this relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and absurdity. It's nuts that he would assume otherwise. Never love something that can't love you back. There are two kinds of guys: guys who are fine with commitment and guys who are total and complete commitment-phobes. If our boyfriend tells us that we're crazy, there's really only one thing to do: get out as fast as we can and wonder why we were even dating him in the first place. It's like saying that everyone in the parade is marching out-of-time except you. Then, he pooped in the middle of the night and this morning. "They were basically forced to sign a new lease.." HUH?! LW2 a repeat, no? I get that you want to likely be respectful and understanding, but this isn't a 'normal' situation. You cannot be the other woman in your own relationship. Except here Ill give it a shot: If youve only seen your boyfriend twice, then hes not your boyfriend. It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Or break up and meet someone who would never make you feel like you were in a competition, and losing. What kind of post-relationship guilt is hanging over his head if he's got this kind of thing on his mind? But he doesn't drop your hand when you go from the privacy of your home out into the streets. I think it happens a lot, well a guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys. Oh man. Dont we always say that when someone tells you who they are believe them? If he feels that it's too far away to make any concrete plans, that should say everything about where his head is at in terms of the relationship. It shows that he's still hung up on her and that he just can't let go. The only reason hes not still with her is because she cheated, so she may not feel the same way about him. It just might not be what we want to hear. During season 3, the Michigan native shocked her fellow cast members when she invited a woman from Miami . Phrase it like "When you say that I remind you of your ex, I feel like________" Don't get mean or nasty about it, because he might not even realize that he is doing it or that it bothers you. Money? Hung up on the things his ex did? It's the best indication that he is still harboring his ex if he's warm, kind, flirty, friendly, or feels really happy to see her. Do you want another story? Saying the L-word always seems like such a big deal. (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). Unfortunately the family thing isnt an option, as they already kicked her out years ago. We should never something like this from our boyfriend. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. Her voice just plays over and over in my head and its like I'm finding out all over again. March 14, 2014, 1:08 pm. Thank you because you made me feel special and valued. or situations/content involving minors. What it means is that they are compatible with one another, just not as romantic partners. Whats he gonna say, Youre number two with a bullet, so hang in there, kiddo? There shouldn't be a reason for your boyfriend to talk to his ex every single day. Over time, hearing this type of talk from the person that we're dating is only going to get under our skin and make us super insecure. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. This one hurts, which is probably why someone would say it. Don't hide the fact that you're bothered or insecure. Like right now I'm feeling really sad and down and I'm about to breakdown. It's basically the one who does the dumping and the one who gets dumped. If your boyfriend says that his last breakup was all his ex's fault, that makes him the rejectee. I try my best not to think about it and just. Its difficult to offer any further advice/thoughts until i understand more about the lease in particular and other questions. It was all me It was him It was mutual It was me! So know what I did? lets_be_honest Her family is a lot of the reason for her trauma and mental health issues. Or maybe we don't break up but we stay in a weird relationship limbo where we aren't talking about marriage but it's been so many years that it seems confusing that we aren't taking that next step. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If he talks to his family every day, that's kind of cute. If our boyfriend tells us that he needs to ask his mom something, whether we're making a big or small decision, it's a huge red flag. Time for you to have a chat with him about it and tell him youre not comfortable with it all. Rainingpopcorn5. Its not your job to fix it - it's his (and hers). Maybe one year, 2 years. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. Ive been cheated on before. Press J to jump to the feed. Afternoon Quickie: Can I Suggest Games for My Baby Shower?. How do you carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are dating? There really is no in-between. Sounds like this woman walks all over you and BF, Thats my main issue with her, it feels like she walks all over him. Sorry. LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. Maybe they're FB friends who don't actually talk. "They shouldnt be talking about them on the first 3+ dates anyway as you have better things to talk about," she explains on her advice blogBaggage Reclaim. LW3: WWS how do you know this is forever if youre sexually incompatible? I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. Our boyfriend should never comment on our physical appearance. Mental health. Those moments should be for you, not for someone he dated agesago. Eh, I dont think it proves he still wants the ex, but hes obviously still bitter about the cheating. Hopefully, our boyfriend's mom loves us and really appreciates the positive impact that we've made on their lives. He is her punching bag and maid service. "Don't go into [very personal]details about your exes," she advises boyfriends everywhere. Just to beat a dead horse: that really jumped out at me, because my boyfriend was left THREE DAYS BEFORE HIS WEDDING by a cheating fiance. Believe him. When we started this relationship, He was open and honest. If he brings up his ex in comparison to the things you like or don't like to do/wear/eat, that means that for some reason or another, his ex is on his mind while he's with you. Honestly there's no perfect answer, but Ariana might have had the right idea in her song "Thank U, Next." If that's the case, it's only a matter of time before that's exactly what happens. He is a shell of himself because he basically doesn't have a life. You want someone that won't speak negatively of you if things don't happen to work out. March 14, 2014, 12:39 pm. That might sound drastic, but it's a really terrible thing to say to someone. Like, a lot a lot. Chances are, though, he's just being lazy and he doesn't want to put the work into the relationship. But if we want to move in with our boyfriend and he says that he's not ready, that's a red flag that we should most likely look at carefully. Okay, that sentence? It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. No matter her looks, her wits, her anything, he'd want his ex, that person. March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. I get it, some days are really fucking hard and you dont want to do anything. findingtheearth They were forced to sign a lease for another year? Yes, of course, a couple needs to each see their friends. SO MUCH FUN! Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. . It sounds like he gets nothing out of this. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. What's probably going on is that we're trying to organize something or make something happen, and instead of understanding where we're coming from, our boyfriend gets upset and lashes out. Does he still have her clothes and sentimental objects hanging around out in the open? Did he explain how he understood, meaning that he repeated your point back to you in a way that showed true comprehension? It's only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone. What a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above. kerrycontrary LW3what are you telling your boyfriend when you discuss this? We want to know that he feels the same way as us and that he thinks that we'll still be together six months to a year from now. "He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same," says Susan. You're shocked, hurt, angry, confused, and maybe even lost. I couldn't stand him! Being with him will totally be worth the wait and will make all of the struggles worth it. Maybe he still has her as one of his followers on an old Twitter account. Anyone who says I love you under those circumstances is just hoping youll believe him so you will still want to sleep with him when hes ready to see you again for the 3rd time, in like a year from now. I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and thats where I fucked up. He could also be flat-out lying and rewriting his own relationship history to suit whoever he's talking to at the moment. Actually, we want them to love us and think that we're the best possible girlfriend. LW1: after a year, he might not feel as intense and deep a love for you that he felt for his ex; and as Wendy says, that doesnt mean its impossible for that love to grow. You need to get as far away, as fast as you can. All I keep hearing his when I called his mom that day and she told me she found him on the floor dead. and see each other almost every day of the week. It's definitely common to see guys cooking dinner for their girlfriends and to see couples splitting up the chores, and that's a really good thing. He is suffering abuse, and need to do something. But, hey, it's better to know, right? You ask, "Can I win him back?" The answer is unequivocally. Thank you because you are the first one who broke my heart but it's okay because my. Dude, keep this thought to yourself. It was always this idealized view of her possible relationship with them that never worked out. and tomorrow we aren't getting any smarter. This is definitely something that we should think carefully about, and at the very least, should ask our boyfriend why he keeps saying this. Dear ex, not a day goes by where I don't think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. 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